further thoughts on tarot consumerism
I've written before about all the decks I've bought and the decks I currently own and my thoughts on them. I was about to write that since that second post I've only bought one deck, but I checked and that's not true, I've bought five1.
cringe
binge and purge, chase the high and buy a new deck, find it doesn't live up to the fantasy self dream vibes I had for it, feel bad, get rid of it, feel relief, chase the high and buy a new deck
As I've said before, shopping addiction and purchases made in pursuit of the fantasy self aren't a problem unique to tarot decks, they just happen to be a big interest of mine. For a while I had a similar issue with fountain pens, though overall I went through less pens than I have decks. Now I'm quite happy with my ink hoard and the pens I do have. Key to getting out of that fraught cycle with fountain pens was A) leaving the r/fountainpens subreddit (aka the vast majority of the fountain pen media I consumed) and B) ... yeah really just A. Once I stopped watching what was basically a string of amateur ads about fountain pens, I settled down and just enjoyed journaling and using my fountain pens.
I still think of getting new fountain pens occasionally; I've had them in and out of various online carts. I'd definitely like a Lamy 2000 in either fine or medium. I have a Pilot Vanishing Point with a misaligned nib I would like tuned. There are some inks I'd like a full bottle of, but knowing just how much ink I have in sample bottles (reasonably a few decade's supply) holds me back. Overall, my pens are a fun thing I like, enjoy and use and they generally do not cause me heartburn or anxiety.
So what's up with tarot?
Do I actually like tarot less? It it a hobby I like the idea of more than the reality? Is that why I'm struggling to settle down and just enjoy it? Is it weird to be questioning whether or not I actually like a thing I think I like?2
I've greatly reduced my tarot social media consumption, but not entirely. I acknowledge this is a contender for being the root problem. Maybe I should stop writing now and go not look at any tarot social media for two months.
I think another issue is that sometimes I don't know how to engage with my enjoyment of tarot without watching tarot social media or buying new decks. What I think I'm really saying is "I am not sure how to play with my toys."
I recently participated in a tarot discussion where the presenter shared several interesting books, and also talked about doing open ended readings vs. starting with a specific question (I don't have that many specific questions to ask) and also doing just plain practice readings. All three of these ideas interest me. I have a respectable tarot TBR as it is, not to mention regular TBR, but I think studying tarot more is an appealing idea.
I have considered all manner of formulas for how I want to determine what is in my tarot collection. Side note: should I call it a collection? Is there a better term? I've thought about having only what could fit in a given box (still planning this, I've tried two boxes so far - one seemed too restrictive and is now holding various pens/art supply things and the other turned out to be the perfect size for holding all my ink samples, third box TBD), only having 5 decks, or 10, or 12. I've considered only having one of each type of deck (i.e. a Rider-Waite-Smith, a Marseille, a Thoth, a Lenormand). I've thought that each deck should serve a specific, unique purpose I can clearly articulate. I've thought I shouldn't micromanage it so much and just relax.
many thoughts, head full
At the moment I am clinging to the box concept and sewing custom bags for each deck I want to keep. Then I'll figure out where things fall. However, I was just asked if I wanted to swap tarot decks with an acquaintance for a few months and was surprised by how many I would be totally happy to loan out, including multiple decks with bags in progress, given the possibility of them not returning (I don't expect that, but things happen).
I am planning a permanent swap with a friend soon, and am relieved to be handing off some of my decks to her and unsure how the ones I'll be receiving will feel and impact this deck hoard of mine. I'm reluctantly hanging onto any decks I decide to get rid of for a year (I've dubiously decided swapping decks with her is an exception). I keep thinking that I'll feel so relieved if I just get rid of all the no longer wanted decks in my possession, especially given the number of times I've bought the "last deck" or done a "final getting rid of."
many thoughts, head full
To conclude this truly inconclusive ramble, I will be back with a specific tarot collection deck hoard update in a bit. Don't hold your breath, sewing these deck bags is taking forever.
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